I still feel lost, like expecting nothing forward. I might look busy, but I know I am not hard working, just waste a lot of time everyday. I had a long list for new dolls, but feel no motivation.

I used to dream that if I could prove myself was good enough, I would have a happy family. Now I realized the problem is not me, but my parents just suck. I will never have the happy family I wanted. It seems too late for me to figure out that. Now I am in my middle 30s, always alone.

I tried, but nothing changed. So I am lost, what’s the meaning of all this. What kind of future should I expect?

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