In early August 2020, in the pain of the breakup and the meaningless emptiness, I suddenly recalled,
The one who wrote “love” on the wall with tears;
The one who said “My goal is to be a world-class doll artist.” in Japanese speaking class.
The one who was woke up on the studio couch by the smell of resin in the middle of the night.
The one who told herself, “If others can do it, I can do it” through trial and error.
The one who made plaster molds silently in the noise of the firecrackers on New Year’s Eve.
The one who sat in the dark with wet hair looking for inspiration.
The one who went to Moscow alone to participate in the competition.
As if they had traveled through time and space, stood in front of me and said, “We have worked very hard to bring you here, please take over the baton and continue our story.”
I asked myself, at this critical moment, because of someone who has left already, or because of my own burnout, to turn all the previous hard working to nothing, is it worth it? Do you treat yourself fairly?
This was the inspiration for “A Song to Myself”. I transformed these different stages of the past into dolls, and let them tell my story.
Making this series was a self-challenging process. In terms of design, I avoided the long tulle dresses that I had already made many times and tried my best to step out of my comfort zone in silhouette, cut and fabric. I wanted them to be light and heavy, soft and hard, fragile and strong. I want them to convey not only the “fairyism” or “high-class” on the surface, but also the “faith” and “courage” from the inside. “.
Making this series was also a process of self-healing. I began to reflect on the negative influence from my family conflict on my career and life.
“If I had had the support of my family all these years, would I have gone further now?”
“If I had been born into a loving family from the beginning, everything might not have been perfect, but also without so many frustrations, what kind of life experience would it have been to live happily to my age?”
However after all, there is no “if”, but there is a “future”.
So I hope that by telling these past stories, I can slowly put down the burden of the past and with a lighter load， maybe go further in the future. I finally realized that behind my pursuit of “world-class” is actually a desire for “love and freedom“. I still hope that one day my works will be exhibited in art galleries and museums and be seen by more people. I also hope I can be happy and fulfilled on the way to my goal and eventually achieve happiness.
This is a memorial, but also a farewell.
May we all have a bright tomorrow.
Finally, thanks to.
相相, who helped me take care of the cats during my trip to Moscow.
兔子mm, who shared me with resources.
UU, who listened to me with tolerance, advised me and shared my work.
桃桃子， who cheered me up and invited me out during my down time.
羊同学, who offered to take care of me after the surgery.
蓉蓉, my roommate who supported me when no one believed me at the begining.
Sabina, who listened to my secrets and encouraged me to speak out.
And more friends who I have never met but have been cheering me on, you made me feel less lonely in this world.
I also want to thank all the readers for your time. If you like my work, please feel free to comment and welcome to share this song to more people.
Thank you 🙏
I have enjoyed following your dolls over the years and read your story today!! Thank you for sharing your journey this way!! The doll wearing armor is my favorite work from all your collections. I hope your story has many more chapters and many more dolls 💙
I just wanted to say that I think your work is incredible. You are so talented and your gift for story telling is amazing. I am sorry for the abuse you suffered at the hands of your family, no one should have to go through that. However, I am so inspired by your work and your progress and I look forward to seeing your next art works.